Lexicon

A comprehensive glossary of terms used in BDSM, kink, and the alternative lifestyle community. Whether you are new to the scene or a seasoned practitioner, this lexicon is intended as a reference and educational resource. Terms are listed alphabetically.

A · B · C · D · E · F · G · H · I · J · K · L · M · N · O · P · Q · R · S · T · V · W · X · Y · Z

A

ABDL — Contracted abbreviation of Adult Baby Diaper Lovers, an activity that falls under the broader category of Age Play.

Abrasion — The use of friction with a rough surface against the receptive partner. May be used to sensitize an area of skin.

Aftercare — The physical and/or emotional care-taking that occurs after a BDSM encounter. Aftercare helps both parties transition safely out of the headspace of a scene and is considered an essential part of responsible BDSM practice.

B

BDSM — Contracted abbreviation of bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism.

Bondage — Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner.

Boot worship — A fetish involving a sexual attraction to boots. Boot worshippers often love to lick, caress, and kiss boots. Submissives especially enjoy worshipping the boots of Dominants.

Bottom — The person who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the receiving partner.

Boundaries — An individual’s limits in a kink context. Boundaries define what you are and are not willing to do in play scenes, kink dynamics, and other BDSM-related activities. Boundaries are an essential part of BDSM and kink.

Branding — Involves heating metal and stamping a symbol or initials onto the skin as a form of permanent body modification or ownership mark.

Brat — A submissive who behaves disobediently, mischievously, or defiantly, often to provoke a reaction from their dominant.

Breast bondage — The act of tying breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or made to bulge.

Breast torture — The deliberate application of pain to the breasts for erotic purposes.

Breath control play — The restriction of oxygen to heighten sexual arousal. Methods include strangulation, suffocation, and smothering. Considered a high-risk activity.

Bullwhip — Usually made from leather, bullwhips are long and thin, producing a sharp crack and intense sensation when they strike the skin.

Bathroom control — A form of discipline in which a submissive relinquishes control over when they use the bathroom to a dominant. Submissives may need to ask permission or follow a set schedule. The dominant may also restrict privacy for added humiliation.

Butt plug — A sex toy designed to be inserted into the rectum for sexual pleasure.

C

Caning — A long, rigid, and thin implement used to deliver stinging strikes. A classic instrument in impact play.

Chastity — A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from accessing or stimulating their genitals, except at the discretion of their partner.

Cock and ball torture (CBT) — The deliberate application of pain to the penis and testicles for sexual gratification.

Cunt and breast torture (CBT) — The deliberate application of pain to the female genitals and breasts for sexual gratification.

Collared — A submissive or slave who is owned, usually (though not exclusively) within a loving intimate relationship.

Collaring — The formal acceptance by a dominant of a submissive’s service, often marked by a ceremony and the placing of a collar.

Compersion — The experience of receiving joy from another person’s joy, particularly in the context of polyamorous or open relationships.

Consensual non-consent (CNC) — An agreement where parties act as if consent has been waived. Consent is given in advance for some or all actions, and the dominant has discretion to continue even after the submissive would otherwise signal withdrawal.

Consent — Mutual and informed agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship. Consent is the cornerstone of all ethical BDSM practice.

Contrapolar stimulation — “Hurts so good.” A type of physical stimulation that incorporates feelings of both pleasure and pain simultaneously.

Contract — A written agreement consented to and signed by all parties in a BDSM dynamic. Contracts outline the rules of play scenes or establish a D/s relationship, typically detailing guidelines on behaviour, expectations, rewards, and consequences.

Crop — A riding crop typically consisting of a handle and a long shaft used to deliver stinging strikes. Crops can leave visible marks when used with force.

D

D/s — Dominance/submission: play or relationships that involve a psychologically based power exchange between a dominant and a submissive.

DDLG — Daddy Dom/Little Girl. A subset of dominance and submission in which the dominant takes on the role of a nurturing parent figure and the submissive takes on the role of a little girl. The dynamic may or may not involve age play.

Dom — A person who exercises control in a BDSM dynamic (from dominant). Generally used for male dominants but can apply to anyone regardless of gender.

Dominant — A person who exercises control in a BDSM relationship or scene, contrasted with submissive.

Domme — A woman who exercises control in a BDSM dynamic (see also Dominatrix). Some younger female dominants prefer the gender-neutral terms Dom or Dominant.

Dom-space — The psychological state a dominant may enter during a scene, characterized by heightened focus, authority, and presence.

Dungeon — A room or dedicated space equipped with BDSM furniture and equipment for play.

Dungeon monitor (DM) — A person who supervises interactions between participants at a play party or dungeon to enforce house rules and ensure safety. They may also assist participants in basic ways such as providing water.

E

Edgeplay — BDSM play that involves a chance of physical or emotional harm. Because the definition is subjective and varies between individuals, there is no universal list of what qualifies as edgeplay. Examples may include blood play and gun play.

Enema play — The use of enemas for sexual arousal, erotic humiliation, or physical discomfort within a BDSM context.

Erotic humiliation — The act of humiliating a partner during a sexual or BDSM encounter, either verbally or physically. Must involve clear boundaries, safe words, and consent, as misuse can damage a person’s self-esteem or a relationship.

Erotic sexual denial — Keeping a person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of that arousal, maintaining them in a state of anticipatory tension and heightened sensitivity.

Erotic spanking — The act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties.

F

Figging — The insertion of a piece of peeled ginger root into the anus, vagina, or occasionally the urethra, producing an intense burning sensation.

Financial domination (Findom) — Also known as money slavery. A practice in which a submissive gives gifts and money to a financial dominant as a form of power exchange and sexual fetish.

Fisting — The insertion of a hand into the vagina or rectum.

Forced orgasm — A scene in which the subject has no control over being brought to orgasm, either through physical or mental restraint. May also refer to continuously bringing someone to orgasm to the point of oversensitivity or discomfort.

G

Golden showers — Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person as part of sexual or BDSM play.

Good pain — A term used by BDSM practitioners to distinguish consensual, desired pain from unwanted pain. Good pain is mutually agreed upon and experienced as pleasurable or valuable by the submissive. The transition from perceiving pain as bad to good may require a warm-up.

Gorean — A BDSM subgenre based on the rituals and practices found in John Norman’s Gor erotic novels. Gorean dynamics typically involve strict Master/slave structures inspired by the fictional world of Gor.

H

Handkerchief codes — A colour-coded system used to signal sexual interests or roles in a social context. A handkerchief worn on the left indicates a top; on the right indicates a bottom. Commonly used in LGBTQ+ leather and kink communities.

Hard limits — Activities that someone absolutely will not do under any circumstances. Non-negotiable, as opposed to soft limits.

Hogtie — A bondage position in which a submissive’s wrists and ankles are bound and fastened together behind their back using rope, cuffs, or other restraints.

High protocol / Low protocol — High protocol refers to individuals or groups that adhere to strict roles and rules of conduct in BDSM dynamics. Low protocol refers to those with a more relaxed or informal approach. Old Guard typically refers to high protocol groups, particularly in gay leather BDSM communities.

I

Impact play — A subset of sensation play involving impacts from implements such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, and canes.

Ishidaki — A historic Japanese torture method. The name means literally “stone hugging.” The subject is made to kneel in seiza (正座) on a ridged wooden block while stone blocks are placed on top of their legs. Used in some extreme BDSM and historical role play contexts.

IYKYK — “If You Know You Know.” A phrase used within subcultures to reference shared knowledge that outsiders may not understand.

J

Japanese bondage — A broad term for bondage techniques that originated in Japan, typically characterized by aesthetic rope work and specific tying patterns. See also Kinbaku and Shibari.

JOI — Jerk Off Instruction. A form of erotic content or play in which a dominant verbally instructs a submissive on how to pleasure themselves.

K

Kajira — A slave girl in BDSM dynamics inspired by the Gor novels. The male equivalent is kajirus.

Kinbaku — Literally means “tight binding.” A Japanese style of bondage involving the tying of a partner using simple yet visually intricate rope patterns. See also Shibari.

Kinbaku-bi — Literally means “the beauty of tight binding.” Refers to the aesthetic and artistic dimension of Kinbaku.

Kinky sex — Any sexual activity that is generally considered unconventional or outside mainstream norms.

Klismaphilia — Sexual arousal from enemas. See Enema play.

Knife play — The slow, methodical use of a knife’s edges and point against the bottom’s body, usually without cutting the skin. The psychological element of fear plays a large part in the stimulus.

L

Latex — Latex clothing has long been associated with fetish and BDSM. It is typically skintight, shiny, and makes a distinctive sound when the wearer moves. It is worn by both dominants and submissives in a scene.

LGBTQIA+ — An acronym encompassing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, and other identities. Sometimes expanded to LGBTQQIP2SAA to include pansexual, two-spirit (2S), and androgynous identities.

Limits — What someone will not participate in (hard limits) or is hesitant to do (soft limits). Negotiating limits is a fundamental part of any BDSM interaction.

M

Masochism — The act of receiving pleasure from experiencing pain or humiliation.

Masochist — A person who enjoys receiving pain, often in a sexual or erotic context.

Master/slave — A consensual relationship in which one person (the slave) gives total or near-total control to another (the Master), with a focus on service and obedience. The slave often wears a collar as a symbol of ownership.

MDLB — Mommy Domme/Little Boy. The female-led equivalent of DDLG. A nurturing parent/child dynamic within a D/s framework. May or may not involve age play.

Mummification — A form of full-body bondage that completely immobilizes the person being wrapped, typically using plastic wrap, bandages, or other materials.

Munch — A casual social gathering of BDSM and kink community members held at a “vanilla” public location in regular attire. A welcoming entry point for newcomers to meet others in the community.

N

Needle play — Temporary piercings performed with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene. Considered an edgeplay activity requiring proper hygiene and training.

Nose torture — A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks or other implements applied to the nose for sensation or aesthetic effect.

O

Objectification — The act of treating a person as an object or thing rather than as an individual with agency. In BDSM, this is practised consensually and can be a source of erotic pleasure for both parties.

P

Pain slut — A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain, typically in a BDSM context.

Pegging — A sexual practice in which a person (typically a woman) penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo.

Play party — A BDSM event involving multiple participants, typically held at a dungeon or venue with established rules and safety monitors.

Ponyboy / Ponygirl — A submissive dressed in a pony outfit, typically with a mouth bit and an anal plug with a tail. They are directed to prance or behave like a pony as part of animal role play.

Post-orgasm torture — Uncomfortable or painful stimulation of the genitals immediately after orgasm, when sensitivity is heightened.

ProDom / ProDomme — A professional dominant who charges money for their services.

Pup play — A form of role play in which the submissive takes on the persona and behaviour of a puppy.

Pussy torture — The deliberate application of pain to the vulva or vagina for sexual gratification, always within a consensual context.

Q

Queening — The act of sitting on a partner’s face, typically for oral pleasure. Also called face sitting.

Queer — An umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual or not cisgender. Reclaimed by the community, it encompasses a wide range of sexual orientations and gender identities.

R

Rhaphanidosis — The insertion of a piece of radish into the anus, historically used as a punishment and occasionally referenced in extreme BDSM contexts.

Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) — A philosophical guideline within the BDSM community emphasizing that all participants should be fully informed about the risks involved in their activities. Unlike SSC, RACK acknowledges that some activities cannot be made entirely safe, and focuses on informed consent and risk awareness rather than absolute safety.

Rope bondage — The practice of tying a partner with rope. Examples include Japanese Kinbaku and Shibari, as well as Western-style rope bondage traditions.

S

Sadism — The act of deriving pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on another person.

Sadist — A person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually in a sexual or erotic context.

Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) — A foundational guideline used in the BDSM community emphasizing that all activities should be safe, that participants have the capacity to give informed consent, and that explicit consent is obtained from all parties. Sometimes contrasted with RACK.

Safeword — A codeword used by a bottom or submissive to signal that BDSM activity should be reduced in intensity or stopped entirely. Safewords are essential to all consensual BDSM play.

Scat play — Erotic play involving feces. Also known as “brown shower.”

Scene — A defined BDSM encounter or session between participants, with agreed-upon roles, activities, and limits.

Sensation play — A broad class of activities designed to produce physical sensations in a partner, as opposed to purely psychological forms of erotic play.

Service submission — A dynamic in which a submissive derives fulfilment from performing acts of service for their dominant, in a sexual or BDSM context.

Slave — A submissive who consensually gives up total or near-total control of one or more aspects of their life to their dominant or Master.

Soft limits — Activities that someone is hesitant or nervous about but may be willing to explore under the right circumstances and with negotiation.

Squick — The uncomfortable feeling someone may experience when encountering certain kink activities they find unappealing. The term implies discomfort without moral judgment — someone can be squicked by an activity while still respecting those who enjoy it. Believed to be a blend of “squirm” and “icky.”

Subdrop — A physical and emotional condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense BDSM scene. Can last up to a week and is best prevented through proper aftercare immediately following play.

Submissive (sub) — A person who gives up control, either continuously or for a defined period. Not to be confused with “bottom” or “slave,” though there is overlap.

Subspace — A psychological state that some submissives enter during an intense BDSM scene, often described as a “natural high” involving feelings of dissociation from time and space. Induced by a combination of endorphins and adrenaline. Proper aftercare is critical to help the submissive return to a normal psychological state.

Switch — A person who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles, either within a single scene or across different encounters.

T

Tit torture — The deliberate application of pain to the breasts or nipples for erotic purposes.

TNG (The Next Generation) — A tag used by BDSM groups and organizations that cater to younger community members, typically ages 18–35.

Top — The person performing an action in a scene (contrasted with bottom). A top is not necessarily a dominant — the distinction is between physical role and power dynamic.

Topping from the bottom — When a bottom or submissive attempts to overly direct or control the top in a way that is inconsistent with the agreed-upon dynamic or scene.

TPE (Total Power Exchange) — A relationship in which the dominant has complete authority over the submissive’s life, making the majority of decisions. Considered one of the most intense forms of D/s dynamics.

Training — The ongoing or short-term process by which a dominant teaches a submissive how to behave according to their preferences and the rules of the dynamic.

V

Vanilla — A term used to describe people or sexual behaviour that does not involve BDSM. Used descriptively, not pejoratively.

Violet wand — Originally an electric and neon tester, now used in BDSM for erotic sensation play. Violet wands apply low-current, high-voltage, high-frequency electricity to the body, producing sensations ranging from tingling to sharp static shocks.

W

Wax play — A form of sensation play in which the top drips hot wax onto the bottom’s body. Temperature and positioning control the intensity of the sensation.

X

X-cross (Saint Andrew’s Cross) — A common piece of BDSM furniture shaped like an X, used to restrain a partner in a standing position for impact play or other scenes. Also called a flagellation cross.

XXX — A designation for adult content, commonly used to classify explicit pornographic material.

Y

Yoni massage — A type of sensual massage rooted in tantric practice, focused on the vulva and vagina. Aims to create intimate connection and may be used for healing, pleasure, or spiritual purposes.

Z

Zentai — A skintight garment that covers the entire body, including the face. Used in fetish play, cosplay, and as a form of sensory deprivation or objectification.

Pride & Community Flags

For a full guide to pride flags and their meanings, visit: color-meanings.com

BDSM Rights Flag — Created around 2005 by a user named Tanos, this flag was designed to raise awareness for the BDSM community and express the idea that people whose sexual orientation includes BDSM deserve the same human rights as everyone else. It is loosely based on the leather pride flag and Steve Quagmyr’s BDSM emblem.

Leather Pride Flag — Created by Tony DeBlase as a symbol for the leather subculture of the gay community, first presented at International Mister Leather in 1989. It has since been adopted more broadly by BDSM and leather communities. DeBlase intentionally left the symbolism open to personal interpretation.

Straight Ally Pride Flag — Created in the 2000s by an unknown designer. The black and white stripes represent heterosexual or cisgender allies, while the rainbow chevron represents the LGBTQ+ community. The “A” shape stands for “allies.”

Polyamory Pride Flag — Designed by Jim Evans in 1995 to give the polyamorous community an anonymous symbol of recognition. Polyamory refers to having multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships with the knowledge and agreement of all involved.

Labrys Lesbian Pride Flag — Designed in 1999 by graphic designer Sean Campbell. The labrys (double-headed axe) was adopted as a symbol of empowerment by the lesbian feminist community in the 1970s. The inverted black triangle references badges forced on homosexual women in Nazi concentration camps, and the violet background draws from the poetry of Sappho.

Original Gay Pride Flag — The original flag designed by Gilbert Baker featured eight colours, each with a meaning: hot pink (sexuality), red (life), orange (healing), yellow (sunlight), green (nature), turquoise (art), blue (harmony), and violet (spirit). By 1979, hot pink was removed due to fabric unavailability, and indigo and turquoise were combined into royal blue, giving us the six-colour flag recognized today.

Inclusive Progress Pride Flag — An updated version of the rainbow flag incorporating the transgender flag colours and a brown and black stripe to represent people of colour within the LGBTQ+ community.